That Chinese bloke came back to the club tonight.

I hate that. I hate it when they come back and I have to try and remember what I told them last time. I can’t be expected to remember everything, so when he came into the club I thought, ‘Oh fuck.’ But then I figured that if he wants to pay me to cut him up again, then that’s his business.He was looking round the club, and when he saw me he lit up like a fucking firework. I kind of waved back and got up to join him at his table.

He was like, ‘I came in last night, where were you?’ Like he’s my mother.

‘I missed you Scarlett, have you missed me?’

No, do I look completely mental?

‘I’ve been really lonely without you,’ he says and I’m like, ‘Oh that’s really sweet,’ while I try to remember his name.

That’s the thing with these blokes, they’re all fucked up, but mainly they’re lonely. Whether it’s coz their wives don’t think they’re interesting or because what they want is too pervy or something. Basically they are sad lonely tossers who come here because they don’t have lives.

So he ordered champagne, fags, the works and we were chatting on about all sorts of bollocks. I asked him how his work was going and what he’d been up to. He kept on saying how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and trying to get me to kiss him and I was saying ‘The thing is, you know that I can’t be seen touching you in the club.’

He was like, ‘It’s me Scarlett, Guo.’ I’m like thank God he said his name coz that was getting embarrassing.

‘I’m not like the others.’

Yes you are mate.

‘I care about you Scarlett.’ His eyes fill with hearts. ‘I want to help you.’

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Now the thing about your Guos is that they are the scary ones. They’re the ones who truly believe that the time you spend with them is more than just business. I mean they won’t allow themselves to believe that the sex was just that, just sex. They gave me some cash and I gave them a blowjob or whatever. They have to turn it into something else so they call it ‘love’ and then because they think they love me, they want to rescue me.

‘That’s so sweet Guo,’ I say, trying that fake blush I’ve been practising. But I’m fine really, thanks though.’ He looks a bit sad for like a second, then he starts on this long old schpiel about how he’d been thinking - he could maybe buy me a flat or something. How we could spend time together - there’d be no pressure. That he wants to do this for me because he cares for me.

Except, of course, we both know that when he came to visit me he’d want more than a cup of tea and a biscuit.

‘Can you excuse me Guo,’ I say. ‘I need to powder my nose.’

I sit in the toilets for longer than I should have done but I didn’t want to go back inside. I was thinking that it used to be a laugh, a proper laugh. I don’t mind the sex. Although I try not to do the kinky stuff if I can avoid it. It’s just the fucking listening bollocks. Same old, same old, shit.I’m like if what you want to do is talk, then get a shrink or something. Don’t come in here and expect me to have all the answers, I’m a hooker, What kind of answers do they think they’re going to get? Except, of course, they don’t really want answers do they? They just want an audience, oh and a fuck.

When I get back to the table, Guo has drunk the rest of the champagne and he's ordering more.

‘You know Guo,’ I say. ‘We had a really nice time the other night. But I think it’s best if we just leave it at that.’

That’s when he starts to flip, he’s all like ‘Please don’t say that Scarlett, I love you Scarlett, what we have is special Scarlett.’

I try to be nice to him, to explain that I’m not supposed to get close to punters and that it was for the best, but he won’t have it, keeps trying to grab my hand or touch my hair. I warn him over and over that it’s not allowed.

In the end, I leave him at the table without even asking for my tip.

This other group of punters come in. I get booked with Georgia and Lola and some other girls. Guo sits at his booth drinking the champagne and staring at me with these slanty sad eyes, making a face like his heart is breaking into pieces. I think I might have to call Mario or one of his boys to come and throw him out. But then he gets up, chucks down some money and leaves.

The blokes we are with are some office party nonsense, just out for a laugh, so I giveup on the idea of earning decent money for the night and decide to get pissed. Dan Dan the Piano man has moved on from his jazz shit for the evening and is singing Marvin Gaye numbers like Sexual Healing, and Let’s Get It On. People are trying to dance to it, but they aren’t sure quite how. And I’m thinking with the right sort of music this place would be a whole lot better. Dan Dan is making funny faces at that stripper, while he murders motown numbers. She’s all fiddling with her hair, drinking vodka shots and chain smoking.

I think I might stick my fingers down my throat. I mean Dan’s like this total south London tosser that plays the sort of music granddads listen to. And Viola Viola needs to raise her standards.

Eventually Viola Viola comes on in this blonde bob wig, leather shorts, basque and this long whip like they use to train horses. She does her Edge of Heaven routine, which is a rubbish song for her normally, but tonight she really gives it some, cracking her whip along with the lyrics, like ‘CRACK. CRACK,’ and the blokes are all like ‘YEAH!’ Clapping, wolf whistling and going ‘WHOOOOO.’

It looked like she’s having fun, playing up to the whole thing and enjoying herself. By the time she leaves the stage, she’s sweating and smiling and she has that glow you know, like I get after a good run.

In the toilets, changing to go home, Lola’s licking up cocaine off a hand mirror and bragging to the other girls about how ‘Scarlett and I had the most brilliant time at a secret place the other night didn’t we Scarlett? We danced all night, we had such a laugh.’

It pisses me off that she’s trying to pretend that we’re best mates or something. So I say ‘Lola just because I went with you once doesn’t make us mates alright.’ And she looks at me like I’m a total bitch, but I mean what? I’m just being honest.

‘Well, you won’t want to be going there with me again then?’ She shouts and stomps off out of the club with that stupid Georgia running after her, yelling at her ‘Wait, Wait for me.’

I don’t need to go there with Lola again anyway because Roberto and I have a whole other understanding.

Then on the way home the cab driver is a bastard, takes me totally the wrong way home, saying it was coz of road works and bollocks then charges me a fiver more than I normally pay and when I try to argue, he says ‘Tell it to the Police darling’,’ with like this smug face on him. So I pay him, don’t tip and slam the door real hard behind me.

Which was when this man appears outside the B & B. I nearly jump out of my skin, I mean one minute it’s just me on the pavement scrabbling in the bottom of my bag for my keys, and the next there’s this bloke there, like from nowhere.

And then I realise who it is.

‘What the fuck are you doing here?’

I notice that he’s crying. Oh please.

‘I followed you… I’m sorry… I love you Scarlett.’

I just look at him and say, ‘Go home Guo, I’m knackered.’ He starts crying really loudly, almost screaming, like I’m hurting him or something.

‘Scarlett, please don’t do this to me!’

‘Guo, get a life.’

I shut the B & B door in his face and go up the stairs to my room. A few seconds later, I head him on the landing.

‘Scarlett… Scarlett.’

What fucker let him in?

‘Scarlett… I love you… talk to me.’

So I go back out to talk to him only SHE is already there, the fat battleaxe and she’s staring at me and Guo is crying and holding up his wrists and I notice two things. That they’re bleeding. Not badly. He’s cut them, but he wasn’t meaning to kill himself or nothing, and besides he likes blood. But the other thing, the second thing that I notice is that he is holding my old set of keys.

Battleaxe is saying, ‘Did you give your keys to this gentleman?’

I’m like ‘No. I didn’t. I don’t know where he got them. I don’t know him.’

Then I figure that Guo must have nicked them from my bag that time and I’m like ‘You cheeky fucker.’

He’s bleeding on the lino and crying ‘But Scarlett.’ Battleaxe takes the keys from his hands and pushes him out of the door.

Then she turns to me, in her nylon housecoat with these disgusting flowers on it, and like stains from God knows what. She’s got like curlers in her hair and cold cream on her face, like it’s going to make any difference. I mean you can stick a hat on a pig but it still grunts, know what I mean.

‘I’m calling an ambulance,’ she says all stiff like, ‘and then the Police.’ There’s this big grin on her fat white cream face and she says, like she’s waited her whole life for this moment, ‘And you, you little slut, you have five minutes to pack and get out of here… NOW!’

So, I walk out with the boom box, and my green suitcase and it’s dead dark and like 4am or something and sirens are coming up behind me.

Battleaxe is yelling ‘Never darken my door again.’

And I yell back. ‘What is this olden times or something? I mean who speaks like that anymore you fat bitch.’ And Guo’s sat on the pavement cradling his wrists and squealing ‘Scarlett…’ and muttering ‘I’m not like the others. I’m not…I love you…’

He’s talking to himself, I guess, because I’m not interested.

He gets up and tries to grab me. I push him away and he’s dripping fucking blood onto me. It’s on his face where he’s been rubbing his eyes, so he’s all blood and tears and messed up. I’m like, ‘Guo… please… go and get in the ambulance,’ which is pulling up outside the B & B by this point, lights flashing, sirens wailing, and like half the street are peering out of their curtains.

People from the B & B are on the pavement staring, and the police are going to be here any minute so I shout at him… ‘Go on FUCK OFF.’ Then the Ambulance siren stops, which is a relief as my ears were ringing and maybe the paramedics will make Guo go away.

Which is when I hear my name being called.

I look up and there’s that Dan Dan the Piano man bloke and he’s running across the street like a big hero yelling, ‘Scarlett, is that you?’ and ‘Scarlett are you okay?’

Guo’s crying at me through his blood and there are more sirens coming, which definitely means Police. I run to Dan, and say, ‘Help…please,’ holding out my suitcase, which he grabs off me, saying ‘Come on then.’

And then we run to his car. He opens the back door, chucks my suitcase in and says. ‘Quick, then if you’re coming.’ I clamber in after. Then we speed off passing the police cars coming in the opposite direction.

I start laughing because that is just about the most fun I’ve had in ages.

That Viola Viola is in the passenger seat and she says all posh like ‘Dan, shouldn’t we stay and talk to the Police?’

Dan says, ‘No. I don’t think so.’

He sort of smiles at me in the rear view mirror, so I say, ‘Cheers Dan.’

He says, ‘Not a problem, I’m not a big fan of coppers myself.’

Viola Viola turns round and smiles and says ‘Hi. Gosh what drama! Are you okay?’ and reaches her hand back for me to shake. Like she’s the queen or something. So I do.

‘It’s Scarlett isn’t it? Hi. I’m um, Tiggy… Well… Viola Viola to you I guess.’ Then she blushes. It makes me laugh, because she even blushes when her clothes are on.